The foundations of our civilization are quivering. Homo sapiens are faced with a mental health crisis of gigantic proportions. There is widespread concern about the pace at which the twin epidemics of Filmitis and Serialitis are spreading across countries and continents. Medical researchers of all hues are twiddling their thumbs, trying to figure out a cure for these afflictions which happen to be not only highly addictive but also pleasurable.
These afflictions affect all human beings, irrespective of their age, sex, cast, creed, or ethnicity. Post-2020, when a pandemic struck humanity, the spread of these virulent challenges has posed a serious challenge to humanity. These are said to be highly contagious. A word of mouth is all that is required to lead one to contract it. Even an inane post on a social media platform in a Facebook group like The Reviewer Collective could nudge one to start watching a movie or an OTT series and then get hooked to it. Often, a long period of bondage ensues. Frequent viewers of the delightfully diverse content on the OTT platforms gladden the hearts of many a producer-director duo. The shareholders of such platforms can be seen laughing all the way to their banks.
To put it simply, once the germs of Filimitis and Serialitis have managed to find a foothold in any neuro-system, one’s fate is sealed.
Most people suffer from Serialitis these days. The OTT platform throws an infectious suggestion. We decide to check it out. We get sucked in. The directors and the scriptwriters ensure we never get to leave the confines of their alt universe. We get stuck with it. At night, we shudder to think of what may happen next. ‘Filmitis’ is far more tolerable. Whatever happens, it gets wound up in around 120 minutes.
Often, we worry about kids spending too much time on their screens. When a kid starts believing that he/she has super-powers like those possessed by either Batman or Spiderman, our brows get furrowed. However, when it comes to addictions like Filmitis and Serialitis, we, the so-called adults, are no less.
The Symptoms
These ailments manifest themselves in many ways. A mood of apathy towards one’s near and dear ones sets in. Public interactions are often given a skip, unless mandated otherwise by an overbearing spouse. One develops a strong tendency to compare on-screen characters to those one comes across in real life. At work, haughty bosses get likened to such villains as Gabbar Singh (Sholay) and Mogambo (Mr. India).
A perpetual state of intoxication envelops one. Meticulous notes get made of the varied recommendations which keep pouring in from all sides. Lists showing the yet-to-be-watched offerings by our dream merchants get updated regularly. A pitiless analysis of the scintillating characters on the screen gets done. Wikipedia gets searched for more offerings featuring a favourite actor on the screen. Speculations get made as to what would have happened if they had responded to a situation differently.
Even lay viewers suddenly evolve into seasoned reviewers, offering insights into such aspects as acting proficiency, script writing, cinematography, music, lyrics, editing, and the like. I, for one, upon coming across an offering which sound exciting to me, would be in the transient grip of a ‘Eureka’ moment, rushing to share the information with aficionados who may devour it with much glee. Archimedes would surely be squirming in his grave.
The most serious symptom happens to be the disinclination of all those suffering from Filmitis and Serialitis to seek a cure for these maladies. Once contracted, one is apt to remain happy and contented to continue in a state of perennial addiction. Medical fraternity is yet to find a solution to this unique kind of viral resistance.
Three Stages
There are three stages of these diseases which have been identified and catalogued so far.
Stage 1
In the first stage, one displays occasional signs of having any of the symptoms described above.
Stage 2
In the second stage, one shows grave signs of many of these symptoms, but is still considered treatable by a heavy dose of socializing. Quite a few in this category practice detachment and can leave a series mid-way, without any feelings of remorse or any desire to get back to it, ever. Lord Krishna, were He to come to know of such souls, would be pleased for them to have acquired this spiritual trait.
Stage 3
The third stage is the most critical one, with no cure in sight as of now. Medicos continue to be baffled. In this stage, one is obsessed with all facets of the production of the collages of moving images, much to the exclusion of every other kind of arts. In every situation of life, a streak of one of the narratives is invariably noticed.
All relatives, friends, seniors, colleagues, and juniors get identified with one or the other characters created on the screen. Lawyers sound like either Mickey Haller (The Lincoln Lawyer) or Woo Young-woo (Extraordinary Lawyer Woo). When visiting a hospital, female doctors get likened to Meredith Grey (Grey’s Anatomy). Nurses who go out of their way to assist us sound like Amy Loughren (The Good Nurse). When visiting a shopping mall, mumbling managers get likened to Glenn and smart salesgirls to Amy (Superstore) fame.
A person suffering from the last stage of these disorders often complain of a stifling sensation. Nothing else in life appeals any longer. The allure of catching up on the latest on-screen fate of the characters often makes one lose sleep. Binge-watching becomes the norm. During days, when life really happens, one goes about the mundane affairs of life like a zombie with frayed nerves, bleary-eyed, and lost in one’s own thoughts.
Weaponizing these maladies
Do we need de-addiction centres to counter these viruses of Filmitis and Serialitis? Do we wish our medical research honchos to come up with a vaccine to keep the foundations of our civilization from quivering incessantly? Not necessarily. Instead, an innovative deployment of these viruses would help humanity in more ways than one.
The day is not far off when governments the world over may end up weaponizing these diseases.
Tackling obdurate enemies
Leaders as well as soldiers of armies wanting to attack a country could be easily lulled into a sense of complacency and inaction if facilitated by the border area networks offering free streaming of OTT content dished out by the country under attack. Wars would then be a thing of the past. Money being spent on arms of all kinds would eventually get deployed to eradicate poverty and illiteracy across all our continents.
Improving internal security
A similar treatment, if meted out to criminals, terrorist groups and internet warriors who keep spreading fake news, would ensure peace and harmony in the society. Crime rates would nosedive.
Providing joyful healthcare
Seriously ill patients awaiting a surgery while lying on a hospital bed, if fed with such stuff as Wagle Ki Duniya and Happy Family…Conditions Apply, would happily wait for their turn to come up, thereby improving the billings of private hospitals and nursing homes.
Building a chivalrous society
If such movies as Ghar, Chhoti Si Baat, and Veer Zara get promoted aggressively by our Movie Mughals, members of the so-called sterner sex would end up being more chivalrous, thereby minimizing misdemeanours directed at the delicately nurtured. Divorce rates would plummet. Loving husbands would be more likely to follow the example of Dr Anand (Silsila), ensuring that the doves of peace keep their wings flapping over their humble abodes. Parents who are brought up on a healthy diet of such movies as Gunjan Saxena and Babli Bouncer may give up their patriarchal mindsets and encourage their daughters to scale newer heights in their lives and careers.
Improving political discourse
Politicos in power might keep the opposition leaders similarly engaged, thereby reducing their propensity to keep making defamatory speeches or hurling choicest abuses upon them. Those cooling their heels in jail, if shown an offering like Dasvi, may even get motivated to improve upon their academic record. A general improvement in the quality of political discourse may thereby ensue. Better degree of sanity may prevail around election time.
Population control
Health ministers who are having sleepless nights worrying about their country’s galloping birth rates may consider targeting their denizens in the reproductive age group with such offerings as Basic Instinct, The Dirty Picture and Lady Chatterley’s Lover, thus keeping them distracted from their amorous impulses.
Cocking a snook at the First World countries
When meeting the leaders of countries which keep showing their disdain towards an emerging economy, the premier of such a country merely needs to present his/her hosts with video recordings of such serials as Scandal, The Designated Survivor and The Diplomat.
By an innovative and clever deployment of these afflictions, the score of Gross National Happiness of all countries may improve drastically.
In other words, disorders like Filmitis and Serialitis need neither be contained nor cured. On the contrary, these need to be spread as quickly as may be possible. This would ensure that we continue devouring inane as well as cerebral stuff on our screens while slouching in our sofas, flowers are forever in bloom, God continues to be in heaven, and all remains well with the world.
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