A (hopefully) non-offensive New Year wish

I wanted to send some sort of holiday greeting to you, my friends, but it is so difficult in today’s world to know exactly what to say without offending someone. So I met with my lawyers yesterday, and on their advice I wish to say the following to you my dear friends.

“Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced with the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

“I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2022, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make our country great (not to imply that India is necessarily greater than any other country) and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishes.

“By accepting this greeting from me, the Wisher, you, the Wishee, are accepting these terms:
– This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal.
– It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting.
– It implies no promise by the Wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the Wisher.
– This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the Wisher.”

Disclaimers:

1. No trees were harmed in the sending of this message.
2. However, a significant number of electrons were slightly inconvenienced. The Wisher hereby offers an unconditional apology to them.
3. The Wisher hereby asserts that he does not represent the commercial interests of either any of the IT service providers or social media platforms who have enabled the transmission of this message to the Wishee.
4. The Wisher hereby confesses that this message is shamelessly picked up by him from the FB page of Mr. Rahul Nandkeolyar. For any legal clarifications, the Wishee is hereby advised to contact him directly.
5. Image courtesy Pinterest.

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Christmas at Blandings

Here is an uplifting piece from the stable of Plumtopia which transports one to the idyllic world left behind for us by Plum! The Yuletide spirit prevails at Blandings, perhaps also because Lady Constance Keeble is not there!!

Plumtopia

Blandings Castle sparkled in the winter frost.

After a crisp, clear day, the sun was beginning to set and a tranquil calm descended upon the Castle and its inhabitants. Beach the Butler was in his pantry, enjoying a special drop of port, which he had been saving for the occasion. Lord Emsworth was dozing in a favourite armchair with Whiffle’s ‘Care of the Pig‘ across his lap.

Somewhere outside, amongst the evergreen shrubberies – or perhaps the kitchen garden, where bare fruit trees created a romantic silhouette in the fading light – an assignation between lovers was taking place. And in the warmth of her sty, the Empress of Blandings lay in contented majesty after feasting on her Christmas provisions.

Off in the distance, the twinkling lights of Market Blandings had begun to flicker, and a hum of woozled carolling from the Beetle and Wedge drifted upon the…

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A Blandings Meet of Fans in New Delhi, India

The day was mildly cold, so fair, so magically a thing of sunshine and greyish-blue skies and bird-song that anyone acquainted with Clarence, the ninth Earl of Emsworth, and aware of his liking for fine weather, would have pictured him pottering about his terraced garden on a December morning with a beaming smile and an uplifted heart.

Instead, prompted by the Countess of Emsworth, he was being the genial host, ensuring that all the guests and a sole imposter present could lay their hands on their favourite tissue restoratives, of which a wide range was available in abundant supply, Plum wine being only one of the many.

On the lavish lawns of Blandings Castle, around fifteen of Plum fans had assembled. Flowers were in full bloom. The birds had ceased twittering and were looking askance at the mirthful peals of uncontrollable laughter emanating from the group.

Once the introductions had been made, the proceedings were kicked off by recalling the Yeoman’s Wedding Song and then a playback of Sonny Boy.

A quiz followed, leaving many a brainy cove stumped and gasping for fresh air. A dumb charade came up next, regaling all those present.

Personal reminences were shared. Many of the characters created by Plum came in for a loving mention. The conversation in the group often touched a high level and feasts of Reason and flows of Soul occurred.

The eldest known fan, Mrs. Sushama Varma, was felicitated on the occasion. She rendered a soul-stirring ghazal in her sweet and melodius voice. She also released the hard copy version of ‘The Indian Curry Dished Out by P. G. Wodehouse.’

In the absence of Angus McAllister, flowers and plants were freely offered by the genial host. Regrettably, the Empress of Blandings was missing in action, having been whisked off to a secret location. Thus, pig-napping was ruled out.

With the assistance of Gerturde, Beach, Miss Twemlow and other maids, the Countess of Emsworth had organized a lavish spread which could well have been the envy of Anatole. Sweets and savouries were plentiful. Cakes beseeching the participants to tuck them in kept pouring in even after the gig was over.

Overall, a grand rollicking time was had by all those assembled. Fun-filled, blissful and overflowing with sublime joy. The Plum wine was intoxicating indeed. The true spirit of fan following was in evidence. Those who ventured to attend left beaming from ear to ear, carrying with them the sweet memories of the fun, warmth and laughter that normally gets uncorked when a bunch of Plum’s fans gets together.

Photographs courtesy The Imposter

Related Posts:

A Plummy encounter in New Delhi, India

Felicitating Ms Sushama Varma who turned 90 recently!

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‘The Corona Gladiators’: Proposal for a Plummy Movie

ashokbhatia

 

Mr Schnellenhamer, the head of the Perfecto-Zizz-baum Corporation, the leading movie studio, is reported to be having an odd disagreeable feeling these days. Perhaps, it is caused by what Roget’s Thesaurus would describe as  agitation, fury, violent anger, wrath and similar emotions listed under the heading ‘Rage’, that too of an impotent kind.

Having struck a deal with Coronavirus Global Corp (CGC in short) to unleash upon the public a movie based on the current pandemic, he believes things to be moving a tad sluggishly. He is not able to gather enough goofy ideas to add a sparkle to the script. Discussions with his team of directors, script-writers, music composers, yes-persons, deputy yes-persons, junior yes-persons, nodders and trainee nodders have led to finalization of the basic outlines of the movie. But he feels much more could be done. CGC had mandated that the movie should get released before any…

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