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Posts Tagged ‘Eve Halliday’

 

Mr Schnellenhamer, the head of the Perfecto-Zizz-baum Corporation, the leading movie studio, is reported to be having an odd disagreeable feeling these days. Perhaps, it is caused by what Roget’s Thesaurus would describe as  agitation, fury, violent anger, wrath and similar emotions listed under the heading ‘Rage’, that too of an impotent kind.

Having struck a deal with Coronavirus Global Corp (CGC in short) to unleash upon the public a movie based on the current pandemic, he believes things to be moving a tad sluggishly. He is not able to gather enough goofy ideas to add a sparkle to the script. Discussions with his team of directors, script-writers, music composers, yes-persons, deputy yes-persons, junior yes-persons, nodders and trainee nodders have led to finalization of the basic outlines of the movie. But he feels much more could be done. CGC had mandated that the movie should get released before any vaccine or virus anti-dote hits the market.

Tentatively titled ‘The Corona Gladiators’, the movie would capture the positive effects of the pandemic over all the inhabitants of our planet; also, the eventual victory of Homo sapiens over the deadly virus emanating from the laboratories of Coronavirus Global Corp (CGC in short).

Details of the plot are yet to be revealed but perhaps the hero and the heroine, cast in the mould of Psmith and Eve, would both be scientists working on an anti-virus drug. Frustrated at the lack of results, they go underground on a super secret mission to steal innovative ideas from laboratories elsewhere in the world. To be shot in Washington, London, Paris, Oslo, Beijing, Tokyo, New Delhi and Canberra, the movie will have car chases, gun fights, encounters with secret services and many other elements which would ensure not only commercial success but also critical acclaim.

The climax may see the couple, after having whipped up an anti-virus drug, facing a bunch of rogue Vice Presidents of CGC inside the Colosseum in Rome. Before being threatened with pistols designed to fire a volley of vials filled with the brand new anti-dote and running off to safer pastures, CGC personnel will blast humanity in general for its apathy towards environment and Mother Nature. As the drums start beating, declaring the brave gladiators to be victors, the titles start rolling. The end will leave the doors open for a sequel which could cover the onset of a far more deadly version of the virus.

Some of the sub-plots discussed so far for spicing up the script are as follows.

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly Leaders  

 Poor politicos live in glass houses but are well-endowed to hurl stones at others, as and when the situation demands so. The pandemic is merely just another tool in their hands to beef up their image further and also to win upcoming elections by clipping the wings of those in opposition.

Top honchos like Prime Ministers and others are improving upon their macho-but-sensitive images these days by not only flexing their muscles to browbeat enemies – real or imaginary – but also remaining in news for unexpected reasons.

Scribes were recently surprised – much like a nymph while bathing – when the British Prime Minister Boris Johnson did some push-ups on his office carpet during a newspaper interview to demonstrate his post-Corona fitness for the job.

Danish Prime Minister Mette Fredricksen decided to postpone her wedding in order to be able to attend a meeting of the European Council on the virus. We understand this is the third time she has done this.

Hon’ble A B Filmer has been requested to collect more details on the leaders who have publically defied such norms as social distancing and wearing masks.

Atithi Devo Bhava

Back home, India has always believed in treating guests with reverence, atithi devo bhava being the norm. Many Indians thus decided to heartily welcome the Country Managers of Coronavirus Global Corp (CGC) by clapping, lighting candles, ringing bells and banging pots and pans from their balconies.

In order to assist CGC in exceeding its own estimates of market share and bottom line in the country, some imaginative steps were taken. First, a complete lockdown ensured that the migrant labourers got stuck in cramped urban spaces where they could easily get infected. Gradually, they were prodded to migrate to distant rural areas, thereby improving the spread. Those who remained in urban areas threw caution to the winds when it came to wearing masks and following norms of social distancing. After all, there is a limit to what a hassled government and its officers can do to change the behaviour of its citizens in public places.

Aunt Dahlia is in agreement that this needs to be considered for inclusion in the proposed movie.

A Budding Romance

When two young and bright persons come to explore a small and peaceful place like Pondicherry in south India, a transient bond of affection gets strengthened. But on the 4th day of their stay, they are caught unawares by a harsh lockdown announced by the government at a notice of less than 4 hours!

While their needs for survival are adequately met, the sheer fact of living through a major event in their budding lives brings about a stronger play of the hormones. A not-so-astute observer might be forgiven for missing the stars in their eyes and the way their faces light up when they happen to be together.

Angela and Tuppy Glossop concur with this idea.

Cupid and the Mummification of the Corpse

Cupid is busy with his e-initiatives. Love birds living in different metros have learnt to remain contented with video and text chats till the time things return to a newer state of normalcy. A young couple whose marriage had got indefinitely postponed find that the boring part of their relationship has already started. The bride-to-be feels that there is a limit to the number of times one can ask each other how their day was, what they plan to have for dinner and the movie they intend to watch every night. It feels as if they have been living in a fast forward mode and have already sensed the process of the mummification of the corpse of love some time after the priest has chanted the last mantra and the marriage has been sanctified.

Bertie Wooster is delighted that he is not being asked to play a role in the movie.

Some Green Shoots

It is an open secret that thanks to the aggressive marketing strategy being practiced by CGC the world over, sale of sanitizers and related hygiene products has registered an exponential growth. Lifestyle coaches and loony doctors are laughing all the way to their respective banks. Yoga-gurus-turned-business-honchos are busy re-labelling and re-launching select products, unleashing these upon an unsuspecting public. So are the owners of online streaming platforms who have grabbed the rights of movies being churned out by our dream merchants.

The last mentioned would be delighted to know of a retired Rev. Aubrey Upjohn who has created an excel sheet which lists the movies on offer on various streaming platforms. Much of his time now gets spent on keeping the list always updated in terms of new arrivals and the ones which are yet to be watched!

Immunity-boosting Tissue Restoratives

Across homes, homemakers are whipping up turmeric and basil based tissue restoratives, prompting all their family members to gobble the same without much ado. Those who are in the business of spices are chuffed at the sudden uptick in their fortunes.

Laura Pyke heartily approves.

Suggestions are welcome!

Would you have a suggestion to offer as to how to make this movie a wee bit juicier? Suggestions may be mailed to Wilmot.mulliner@zizzbaum.org.

Those whose ideas get selected will receive an invitation to visit the studios and have a meal with Mabel Potter and Wilmot Mulliner.

(Illustration courtesy Mr Suvarna Sanyal)

 

(Related Posts:

https://ashokbhatia.wordpress.com/2020/04/11/who-ropes-in-doctors-and-paramedics-from-plumsville-to-counter-corona-virus-part-1-of-2

https://ashokbhatia.wordpress.com/2020/06/20/of-lockdowns-p-g-wodehouse-and-the-milk-of-human-kindness)

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Dear Comrades,

Quite a few of you perhaps wonder as to how a very tall and lanky guy like me managed to win the affections of someone like Eve, who is of a medium height and radiates a sort of golden sunniness around her.

I believe the following to be some of the factors which enabled this courtship to reach a satisfactory outcome.

Dressing Nattily

Contrary to what cynics believe – that one should focus on the inner qualities of head and heart possessed by the party of the other part – the fact remains that external appearances alone assist in the initial stages of any courtship. A cheerful visage, a valiant gaiety, a set of bright eyes and a dash of self confidence are crucial enabling factors. Add to this a habit of dressing nattily and you get a winning formula which is hard to beat.

Whether one desires success in a professional alliance or a romantic one, first impressions add that critical punch which brings home the gravy, so to say. Discovering one’s honest heart obviously takes time.

Some of you may recall that my first encounter with Eve came about only because she radiated wealth when caught in a sudden spell of rain beneath the awning of Messers Thorpe & Briscoe. Had she not been upholstered sumptuously at the time, I would have surely missed the opportunity of a life time. Even though I am above softer emotions in general, Eve had then stirred a chord within me which was not often stirred.

Being Fleet-footed and Chivalrous

The ability to think on one’s feet helps one to seize opportunities which Life throws one’s way is a crucial success factor. So is an innate sense of chivalry.

To me, ends are more important than means. When Beauty in distress needs an umbrella, it does not matter as to the methods deployed to secure one and offer it with a smooth dignity. All one has to do is to offer it with a grave friendliness and then depart after a courteous bow. Building suspense around one’s persona and one’s motives for an act of this kind simply arouses curiosity in the party of the other part. Curiosity is obviously followed by a vigorous interest.

Acting when Adventure Calls

An opportunity to be close to Eve arose when Lord Emsworth mistook me to be the Canadian poet, Mr Ralston McTodd. It was clear that only by going to Blandings, even if under the guise of McTodd, could I renew my acquaintance with Eve. I am not one of those who would hang back diffidently when an adventurous opportunity comes up. I simply lapped up the opportunity.

Assuming Authority

Having received Eve at the Market Blandings train station, I exercised what you might allude to as a placid assumption of authority. Eve might be a person who possesses a high and haughty spirit, but, I am sure, she found my actions hard to resist. A conscientious worker, she was then so very keen to get down to her work of cataloguing books. Instead, she chose to go along with my suggestion of a leisurely stroll through meadow and shrubbery, velvet lawns and a view of the celebrated Yew Alley. In the process, she was left wondering if she had arrived in Paradise.

Awakening Pity

While rowing the boat on the lake, I faced one of the perils of impersonation. Having been accused by Eve of mistreating Cynthia, a close friend of hers I had never heard of earlier, I had to valiantly fight my way out of an embarrassing situation. The conscientious wooer in me had no other option but to make Cynthia suffer by accusing her of few misdemeanours and also mistreating me as a husband. My immediate reward was the faint look of angelic pity in Eve’s eyes.

Striving for Spiritual Evolution

A good deal of discouragement alone can dampen my spirits somewhat. When Eve said that she is not coming in to hear me read from McTodd’s book – Songs of Squalor – I merely took the disappointment in my stride. I am of the opinion that a dash of equanimity is invariably helpful. Such setbacks in life propel one towards enlightened spirituality.

The ‘Aha!’ Moment

At some stage in the courtship, scales fall from one’s eyes. One realizes in a flash that all those delightful walks, drifting on the lake, and those cheery conversations had gone on to convince one that of all possible girls she was the only possible one. One has to be watching oneself diligently. An inner perspective of this kind, coupled with perseverance, facilitates the conscious utilization of such moments in an effective manner. This enables one to push one’s case with aplomb, often earning the admiration of Cupid. There are times when one just needs to act and not to surrender to the dark forces of bewildered inaction.

Howsoever annoyed the party of the other part may be, one can simply turn the tables by speaking from the heart and even going on to propose. Obviously, one is gracious enough to offer time for her to think it over. If she already has a bevy of waiting fiancées lurking in the corner, one merely asks to be added to the list.

Gifts and Flowers

When even such modest gifts as flower-pots containing a germanium get heartily accepted by the adored from the hands of the adorer, the latter may safely conclude that love blossoms in the heart of the former.

Marketing Oneself

It never hurts to ensure that one’s sterling qualities are adequately communicated to the object of one’s adorations. Such mundane skills as being able to do card-tricks and performing passable imitations of cats calling their young ones deserve to be conveyed clearly. Same would apply to one being able to recite “Gunga-Din”.

A dash of positive visualization of matrimonial bliss invariably helps. Imagine the long winter evenings – when the adored one is sitting before the fire and is selecting a card from the pack which the adorer offers – and one would realize the value of the supreme confidence which one needs to possess so as to be able to make progress in matters of courtship.

Common Interests

It helps when the adored and the adorer share similar tastes. An adventurous disposition. A tendency to stand up for their pals. A habit of recovering quickly from surprises in life. A dash of inner resilience which ensures that one does not collapse in moments of crisis. Providing moral support to the party of the upper part. A common taste for stealing other people’s jewellery.

All these signal the fact that the two are indeed twin-souls.

A Dash of Eccentricity

One could not agree more with Cynthia when she advised Eve to marry someone who is eccentric. Luckily, in Eve’s view, I fitted the bill rather well.

Oh, Eve!

I am sure you would not mind my taking further liberty with your precious time by trying to sum up the special qualities possessed by Eve.

Besides compassion for her friends, she was always strong and adventurous. She had enjoyed the perpetual excitement of trying to keep the body and soul together.

She has always been a person of dash and vigour. Gazing into her soul, one is apt to find such finer sentiments there as honesty, sympathy and intelligence.

In addition to being beautiful, she drew the best out of my intellect and soul. To put it simply, she allowed me to talk oftener and longer than any other member of the tribe of the delicately nurtured known to me.

Your experiences in furthering your own courtship might be quite different. However, I do believe that everything in this world is in its place for some useful end. In matters of the heart, be chivalrous, persistent and ready witted. Life around the object of one’s affections can never be allowed to be dull. I do hope you find my endeavours in that direction of some assistance.

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Residents of Plumsville admire Psmith for more reasons than one. Eve Halliday is another character which deserves better attention than it normally gets.

What happens when the two run into each other? How does their romance progress?

Here is a delightful post which celebrates the gradual evolution of their relationship. Cupid, were he to come across it, would surely approve.

Plumtopia

32-23This February’s Great Wodehouse romances series continues with another guest author, K.V.K. Murthy, known to Facebook friends as James Joyce.  His piece takes us on a walk through romantic literary history with Psmith and Eve Halliday (Leave it to Psmith).

A note on the Psmith-Halliday romance

by K.V.K. Murthy

The question of favourites is mostly subjective, and Wodehouse’s vast canvas of miniature romances doubtless provides for each taste. The Gussie-Bassett, Tuppy-Angela, Bingo-Banks and others too numerous to mention are all miniatures :a concatenation (to use Jeeves’ word) of comical situation, Edwardian silly-assness and a bit of fat-headedness thrown in for seasoning. They are the staple of drawing-room one-act plays of a certain generation, given occasional revivals in schools to round off the Annual Day shindig. Barring minor changes in detail, they are all more or less cast from the same block. Wodehouse’s success with that block – or formula –…

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