Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘Depression’

ashokbhatia

The Royal Academy of Goofy Technologies is hereby pleased to announce the results of its ambitious research project mooted four years back to come up with out-of-the-box ideas to treat the dreaded affliction of depression.

The results are based on an extensive study involving 5,100 adults of all age groups, conducted across as many as thirty countries of the world, spanning all the continents.

The study was spearheaded by Roberta Wickham and Stephanie Byng, First Fellows of the Academy, under the direct supervision of eminent loony doctor Sir Roderick Glossop, a Royal Fellow and also the Dean of Academics of the Academy.

Part of the findings have been vetted and endorsed by such celebrity spouses as Bingo Little.PGWodehouse

Some Plummy techniques to beat those blues

Denizens of Plumsville are already aware of the following techniques to drive depressive tendencies away:

  • Devouring the soothing works of P…

View original post 1,010 more words

Read Full Post »

There are indeed times when the harsh slings and arrows of Life weigh one’s soul down with woe. The intensity of each succeeding sling shot becomes more acute. The frequency also registers an uptick. Life seems to be overtaken with a Thos-like propensity – to test the depth of one’s reserves of patience and fortitude. It appears as if each arrow is doused in paraffin and is being shot by an Edwin the Scout to douse an already raging fire in one’s cottage. One’s Guardian Angels appear to have gone off on a long vacation. The air is congested with a series of W-shaped depressions which keep hitting one at regular intervals. Even before one has had a chance to pull oneself out of the preceding episode, the next one follows, leaving one all of a twitter. The soul remains in a phase of perennial torment.

When faced with a situation of this nature, one has two options. One can either wallow in self-pity, question one’s Guardian Angels as to what one has done to deserve a harsh treatment of the kind being dished out, and generally keep looking for shoulders which would not look askance at the prospect of getting wet with one’s tears. Or, one can start exploring the possibility of clawing one’s way back up the cesspool of darkness one finds oneself in.

In case the latter option suits one’s temperament, there could be no better way to beat the blues than to immerse oneself in one’s work with a renewed vigour and enthusiasm.

Besides, the following actions, if taken, might make one realize that one should never repine, never despair, and never allow the upper lip to unstiffen, come what may.

  1. Remaining in touch with the loved ones, who care and share.
  2. Being surrounded by those who bring some sunshine into one’s life. Warm hugs and embraces perk one up no end.
  3. Having advisors like Jeeves around whose keen intelligence and resourcefulness may enrich one’s life.
  4. Calling upon the services of pals like Bertie Wooster who would never let one down.
  5. Treating oneself with a daily dose of some Larsen Exercises, making an acquaintance like Ashe Marson proud.
  6. Trying to break the mould and doing something one has never done before; visiting far off places, meeting new people, and indulging in such heavenly pursuits which had so far remained pious intentions. These could even include such acts as pinching umbrellas and policemen’s helmets.
  7. Avoiding the company of aunts who feast on glass bottles and happen to be lionesses in the garb of sheep. Instead, getting oneself invited to lairs which boast of an Anatole on the premises.
  8. Standing up to a bully like Roderick Spode and giving him a piece of one’s mind; provided, of course, one has access to a Eulalie-like secret.
  9. If one belongs to the tribe of the delicately nurtured, one may like the company of someone configured along the lines of Rupert Psmith.
  10. If one is instead from the tribe of the so-called sterner sex, one may like the company of an Emerald Stoker, a soothing and sympathetic girl one can take one’s troubles to, thereby being confident of having one’s hand held and one’s head patted. However, it may help to avoid the company of persons built along the lines of Florence Craye, Honoria Glossop, Roberta Wickham or Stiffy Byng.
  11. Curling up in bed with one’s favourite whodunit, preferably with a tissue restorative by one’s side, and with soothing music softly playing in the background.
  12. Remembering that this phase too shall pass, as the wise men have said!

Overall, one may like to brood upon the singular advantage one’s Guardian Angels have conferred on one – that of facing harsher slings and arrows of Life. The perks of such a fate are many. One develops a spiritual outlook towards life, that too at a faster pace, much like the clergymen who come in contact with Master Thos. Nerves of chilled steel get developed. One’s inner resilience improves, leaving one less prone to distress of any kind in future. One develops a tendency to focus on the sunnier side of life. The inner will to live life to the hilt gets back on its throne. The brow is no longer furrowed. Rather than believing oneself to be a victim of circumstances, one learns to go with the flow of life, adapting to change. One learns to respond to life gracefully, with ease.

One may then look north, south, east and west and discover not a single cloud on the horizon. One realizes that no matter how dark the skies may be, the sun would be shining somewhere and will eventually come smiling through; just like Bertie Wooster says somewhere in his memoirs!

(Caricature courtesy Kevin Cornell)

(Related Post: https://ashokbhatia.wordpress.com/2016/12/10/shopping-therapy-and-some-plummy-techniques-to-treat-depression)

Read Full Post »

The Royal Academy of Goofy Technologies is hereby pleased to announce the results of its ambitious research project mooted four years back to come up with out-of-the-box ideas to treat the dreaded affliction of depression.

The results are based on an extensive study involving 5,100 adults of all age groups, conducted across as many as thirty countries of the world, spanning all the continents.

The study was spearheaded by Roberta Wickham and Stephanie Byng, First Fellows of the Academy, under the direct supervision of eminent loony doctor Sir Roderick Glossop, a Royal Fellow and also the Dean of Academics of the Academy.

Part of the findings have been vetted and endorsed by such celebrity spouses as Bingo Little.PGWodehouse

Some Plummy techniques to beat those blues

Denizens of Plumsville are already aware of the following techniques to drive depressive tendencies away:

  • Devouring the soothing works of P G Wodehouse. Curling up in bed with one, with a tissue restorative on the side, guarantees freedom from depressions of all sizes, shapes and hues.
  • Savouring the pick-me-ups dished out by Jeeves.
  • Gorging on delicious offerings of Anatole, God’s gift to the gastric juices.
  • Scrupulously avoiding the following: (a) Diet Charts dished out by Madeline Bassett, (b) Overdose of the juice of an orange.
  • Following the Ashe Marson Manual of Fitness, which recommends Larsen Exercises, brisk walks and cold baths.
  • Cultivating pals like Bertie Wooster who would go to any length to help one out of distress.
  • Learning the art of pinching helmets, umbrellas and silver cow creamers.
  • Visiting antique shops to register scorn at the silver cow creamers on display and declaring those to be of Modern Dutch origin.
  • Starting new enterprises under the mentorship of Joan Valentine and Sally.
  • Undertaking such delicate tasks as restoring scarabs to their real owners.
  • Enjoying the antics of such kids as Master Thos and Seabury, after having bought protection for one self.
  • Catching up on one’s beauty sleep in accordance with the Augustus Technique of Rest and Recuperation.
  • Taking a supercilious view of humanity in general, as per the Bartholomew Code of Conduct.

Shopping Therapy to beat those blues

One of the key findings of the study, applicable to all Homo sapiens, is that of the effectiveness of Shopping Therapy in beating those depressive blues.

Universal Appeal

Shopping Therapy involves active splurging of the funds at one’s command. It has been found to be an effective tool to beat the blues, irrespective of caste, creed, religion or nationality.

Even though the Shopping Bug hits the human civilization with heightened severity around festival days, the virus remains active throughout the year.

The latent desire to browse through and add more items to one’s shopping cart – whether physical or virtual – has a universal appeal.

In mild cases of depression, Window Shopping is found to be equally effective.

In some cases, a Plain Outing Therapy or an Attending Religious or Spiritual Congregation Therapy has also been found to be half as effective.shopping

Enhancing the Effectiveness

Shopping Therapy is likely to be twice as effective when the money being spent happens to belong to persons other than the shopper herself.

The effectiveness of Shopping Therapy is directly proportional to two factors: (a) The non-routine nature of the object being shopped, and (b) The novelty of the place where the act of shopping takes place.

Matrimonial Harmony

Shopping Therapy is highly recommended for depressed home makers who are facing blues owing to the sheer drudgery of routine work within the confines of the four walls of the place euphemistically called ‘Home, Sweet Home.’  When administered at frequent intervals, matrimonial harmony prevails. The dove of peace continues to flap its sonorous wings over the couple’s abode.

The risk of Induced Depression

Shopping Therapy is found to be more effective in the case of those belonging to the tribe of the delicately nurtured. When administered to the so-called sterner sex, its effect is found to be rather limited.

Should the members of the tribe of the sterner sex be exposed to Shopping Therapy, care has to be taken to ensure that they are not accompanied by those from the tribe of the delicately nurtured.

If so, the effects are often counter-productive, leading to higher levels of depression amongst the so-called sterner sex. This kind of induced depression is especially acute when the debit or credit card being swiped belongs to them or even when they are called upon to lug around a cart load of shopping bags.

Handling Induced Depression

Some techniques which are found to be effective in mitigating the effects of induced depression are as follows:

-Permitting them to catch up with a favourite sports show on the smart phone while sipping a cup of strong coffee,

-Granting them a temporary license to study consumer behaviour by gawking at well-dressed and well-proportioned specimen of the shopping public around.

-Buying something to suit the temperament of the party of the other part.

Tolerance of the primary shopper towards disinterested ‘Oh’s and distracted ‘Ah’s emanating from the secondary shopper when a new dress or a new set of jewellery is being tried by the party of the first part helps.

Shopping Therapy plus

Shopping Therapy, when combined with either Eating-Out Therapy, Multiplex-Popcorn Therapy, or Kid-free-time Therapy, or a combination thereof, has been found to be thrice as effective.

Motivating Employees

Organizations which offer lucrative ‘Expense Accounts’ to their key personnel as part of their compensation packages have been found to be having higher motivational levels. Their retention levels are better. Their attrition rates are lower.

The motivation levels are even higher in cases where the privileged employees are not required to furnish proof of purchase to their respective Accounts Departments. 

The perils of Shopping Therapy

 While administering Shopping Therapy, due care has to be taken to avoid some of its pitfalls.

  1. An overdose, leading to the family finances being left all of a twitter.
  2. Habit forming, especially for those who make impulsive decisions.
  3. Manifestation of kleptomaniac tendencies, such as those exhibited by the likes of Bernadette Clayborne, when out shopping.

Shopping for a detailed report?

The Academy is pleased to offer detailed report of its study on the subject, duly authenticated by its Director General, Rupert Psmith.

Those desirous of shopping for a copy of the same are hereby advised to visit the website www.ragt.com for further directions.

(Note:

The Royal Academy of Goofy Technologies is an ISO-certified international academy of goofy schemes which are designed to resolve ticklish issues afflicting our society. It does so by promoting and propagating non-violent techniques of registering protests and wreaking soft vengeance upon those who profess views which are at odds with those of theirs. The Academy brings together the world’s leading scientists, engineers and technologists to advance and promote excellence in innovative methods designed to secure socially desirable results.)

(Illustration courtesy the world wide web)

Read Full Post »