A Plummy composition by Lisa Lypowy

Bertie Wooster, as you know,

Is not really a true Lothario.

Sure, he’s admired a girl or two,

As lively young Drones are apt to do.

 

There was Bobby, of the fiery tresses,

Who got Bertram into tangled messes.

And haughty Lady Florence Craye,

A lovely profile, seen sideway.

 

Pauline Stoker gave him quite a scare,

Lolling about in his gents’ sleepwear.

Honoria Glossop was a strong maybe,

‘Til her father gave the nolle prosequi.

 

The menace of Madeleine Bassett was there,

Like Damocles’ Sword, hung above Bertie’s hair.

Only Gussie Fink-Nottle, her prospective mate,

Stood between Bertram and a most hideous fate.

 

An English gentleman’s honour code,

Pointed Bertie down the matrimonial road.

Only an iron hand in a velvet glove,

Could loose the tightening fetters of love.

 

Fresh off a fish-containing snack,

Head visibly bulging at the back,

Jeeves glides in and finds a way,

To free poor Bertie and save the day.

 

Even in Bingo Little’s sad case,

When he falls for every pretty face,

Jeeves manages to pull off a stunning coup,

And pull young Bingo out of the soup.

 

We doff our hats to this wonder man,

Marvel at each Machiavellian plan.

If ever we stray on the primrose path,

We hope Jeeves can fix up the aftermath.

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