The alpha, beta and gamma of interpersonal relations

Interpersonal relationships happen to be a key factor in achieving success in a managerial career. Even otherwise, positive relationships boost our Happiness Quotient in life.

Here are few insights on relationships based on some well-known scientific principles.

FB and the Roentgen Effect

Never take a person at face value. Be ruthless in acting like a X-ray machine, ascertaining the inner motives of the party of the other part.

Create your own Facebook – a filtered version of the bosses, peers and subordinates you come across. Categorize them into, say, Close Friends, Friends, Acquaintances, Foes and those Vehemently Opposed to whatever you say or do. Deal with them at their respective wavelengths. You would vibe well.

Be sceptical of sudden unwarranted praise. A very tough project could be coming your way. The lynching mob could be sharpening its arsenal by the time you gleefully accept to drive a car all the way to the Moon.

Relativity and Relationships

The longevity of a relationship is directly proportional to the match between the Frames of Reference of two individuals.

The closer the two persons or organizations in their shared values and principles, the longer the relationship would last. The more complimentary their needs happen to be, the better the longevity of the relationship.

All teams work on this principle. With each member bringing a unique strength to the table, the team emerges stronger.

The speed of Time in Relationships

The more you like a person’s company, the higher the speed of time spent together.

The more you hate a person, the lesser the speed of time spent together.

Laws of Motion of Relationships

Newton was dead right when he said that every action has an equal and opposite reaction.

Hate a colleague. She would catch your negative vibes and return the same.

Be fond of a colleague and she could reciprocate the sentiment. Both of you could then produce some great results together.

The Optics of a Relationship

The way a relationship looks on the surface is often an optical illusion. Dive below the surface and you could be in for a surprise. Principles of reflection, refraction and diffusion work in the realm of relationships as well.

Take the case of a spouse. A perfect one cannot make us complete. He/she can only act as a mirror and help us in discovering ourselves and in becoming the right person.

The Orbit Effect

Those who happen to be Yes-men electrons with a negative charge can be readily seen orbiting around a boss who has a few protons of positivity up his sleeve and behaves like a pompous nucleus.

Once the nucleus gets hit by powerful rays of adversity, the Yes-men are forced to scurry for cover and look for another nucleus.

The Half-life of Relationships

Much like radioactive substances, almost all relationships suffer from exponential decay. Constant emission of alpha particles of Anger, beta particles of Badmouthing and gamma rays of Greed lowers the warmth in a relationship.

At a personal level, infusing the relationship with innovative ideas often helps to arrest the trend.

In case of organizations, dealing with gifted high-performers can be a ticklish challenge. Prompt steps need to be taken to stem the rot. Job-rotation, job-enrichment, flexible working hours, higher level of empathy and engagement with the family members can be some of the techniques deployed by HR professionals to address this issue.

The Valency Factor

Two individuals whose Valency happens to be the same would intrinsically vibe well with each other. The compound they make together is bound to become a formidable team.

One risk here is that they could end up becoming a Mutual Appreciation Team, leading to lofty expectations and a self-belief which could be misleading in critical situations. Their bosses need to worry about this.

Another risk is of a more sinister nature. If one party is from amongst the tribe of the delicately nurtured and another from the so-called sterner sex, an amorous alliance could emerge. This could have even more serious implications if there is a hierarchical gap between the two individuals.

The boss has to then act like an anti-catalyst to defuse the reaction so the reputation as well as the work of the organization does not suffer.

The algorithm of Relationships

Relationships are a complex non-linear function of Expectations, Realizations and Time.

Expectations evolve over a period of time. If not matched with realizations in a dynamic manner, deterioration in the quality of the relationship is bound to follow.

Having clawed your way up in an organization, do not expect to be treated the way you were treated the very first day when you walked in.

Do not rest on your laurels. Let successes not make you complacent.

The Warmth of a Relationship

The Coefficient of Warmth of any relationship is directly proportional to the love and trust put in to nurture the same; it is inversely proportional to the benefit expected in return.

Organizations which value their Brand Equity ensure they treat separations with kid gloves. An employee speaking well of her previous employer is a great asset to have. Here is a relationship which has a lingering warmth and sweetness.

Laws of Thermodynamics

Zero-th Law

If two persons/entities are in the equilibrium of a good relationship with a third person/entity, it follows that they must be in a good relationship with each other as well.

First Law

The Law of Conservation of Energy applies. There is a limit to which you may work on improving a relationship. If the party of the other part fails to reciprocate, it is perhaps time to move on.

Second Law

Entropy or disorder is bound to increase in a relationship. The only way out is to keep cleansing your system of negative thoughts at regular intervals. Talking to the party of the other part about your areas of discomfort, and encouraging the other one to share her thoughts likewise alone helps.

The Botany of Relationships

Relationships happen to be like tender saplings. Given the right soil conditions of our own character, regular exposure to the sunlit warmth of care, routine watering by the elixir of affection, and occasional nourishment by pleasant surprises, the plant grows. Its roots become stronger. Its branches and leaves provide the perfect shelter.

A relationship which is either not nurtured thus, or is planted on the soil of fear and necessity alone, tends to wither away over a period of time.

All these laws govern professional as well as personal relationships. Smart managers utilize these to grow in the organization they work for. They also deploy the same to keep the boss at home happy and grinning.

Post script

How about the relationship that we have with our own inner self? Do we under-rate ourselves? Or do we end up dominating those around us? When was the last time we patted ourselves on the back?

An introspection of this nature improves our inner resilience and reduces stress. Our dependence on others to determine our state of happiness comes down. Our chances of having positive interpersonal relations improve.

(Note: Published in New Race, the e-journal of Sri Aurobindo Centre for Advanced Research:

http://sacar.in/NR-e-Journal_2016_V-2_Issue-1_Final-1.pdf )