The Ten Traffic Commandments

I am the Lord

I am the heaviest vehicle on the road. I am the Lord and Master of what I survey. Others are mere mortals and slaves, born merely to be swatted like flies and crushed like ants.

Right of Way

Roads are meant only for vehicles to ply. All others are a distraction. Pedestrians, cyclists, manual and animal-driven vehicles do not have the right of way.

See the Light

Once headlights are switched on, even if in broad daylight, all misdemeanors, sins, omissions and commissions of the vehicle concerned shall stand condoned.

Not to remember the Order in vain

• The slowest moving vehicle shall stick to the median. Faster moving ones, specifically two-wheelers, have the right to overtake from the left hand side.

• While overtaking, a gap of more than six inches shows a deficiency in one’s driving skills.

• Treat driving like living life. Thread your way through dense traffic and tough situations. Hone your zig-zag driving skills with gay abandon.

• Surrender yourself to the Almighty while entering a main road from a side road; only the feeble-hearted pay attention to the vehicles speeding on the main road.

• When the median divider is too far off, two wheelers may move in opposite lanes. This reduces their carbon footprints.

• When throwing used cans, polythene bags, chocolate wrappers and banana skins from a moving vehicle, never look back.

Commerce is God

Any vehicle speeding off on an errand to deliver goods has to be treated with utmost respect and deference. A vehicle ferrying mere mortals is expected to show better respect to all commercial vehicles. Means of transport used by our beloved politicians and bureaucrats are exempt from following this Commandment.

Knights in Shining Armors

All mighty warriors speeding off on their magnificent chariots can change lanes without giving any signal or indication. This way, others’ driving skills and alertness remain upgraded at all times.

Silence is not Golden

• Honking is encouraged at all times. Use of ordinary factory-fitted horns is frowned upon. Pressure horns are the only way to make your presence felt on the roads.

• Using a cell phone while driving shows your multi-tasking skills in a positive light.

Where the Mind and the Heart are Free

Helmets and seat belts are worn merely to avoid paying fines and bribes to the constable on duty. The mind and the heart have to be always kept free from all encumbrances, so new ideas and feelings would continue to gush in.

Getting out of a Jam

When caught in a jam, ensure jutting into the opposite lane. This would worsen the jam and attract a police officer to finally intervene and clear the way.

Be Spiritual, Practice Detachment

When a road accident occurs, be detached. Blame it on the injured person’s karma and leave the site immediately. Avoid becoming answerable to the doctor or the police. Avoid having to face a stern-looking member of the jury at frequent intervals.

All ye denizens of the Third World, follow these commandments and remain in bliss.

(Related Post: https://ashokbhatia.wordpress.com/2011/08/31/drive-regularly-grow-spiritually)